plaineasyandsimple:

this one time a guy in my class was gonna download his presentation from hotmail.com

HE SPELLED IT WRONG

HE SPELLED HOTMALE.COM

HE WAS CONNECTED TO THE PROJECTOR

WE WERE TWELVE

JUST IMAGINE WHAT HAPPENED

monobeartheater:

verylittlebird:

a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.

what the fuck

benedizzle-cumberwubwubwub:

doIlooklikeI’mfuckingokayDeanshutthefuckupstopaskingstupidquestionsIhatemylifeIcouldbelawyeringrightnowfuckyou

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unfollowlng:

seenaill:

unfollowlng:

If you think your mom overreacts just remember once my mom cancelled our trip to New York because I refused to eat the meatloaf she made

my mom accused me of selling my birth certificate and social security to the black market when she couldn’t find them

you win

pondlifeforme:

What did that look mean? (x)

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deaneggsandsam:

when u sneeze in front of your pet and they look like you’ve just offended their great ancestors

image

bloody-men-with-blue-eyes:

beautifrei:

offside-goal:

Omg chill

this is some airbending shit right here

what just happened

blein:

sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS A BUNCH OF LAPTOPS SO HE TOOK THE SUITCASE AND RAN AND I JUST 

leonkumquat:

when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank

they’re married now

spookynasodqueen:

theminilibra:

super-high-school-level-midori:

drkrantz:

What is it restraining? 

Its urge to murder everyone

[No, that’s actually literally what it’s doing.

"It has enough psychic energy to blast everything within 300 feet of itself, but it has no control over its power." -Pokedex in Y-Version
The organ that emits its intense psychic power is sheltered by its ears to keep power from leaking out.” -Pokedex in X-Version

IT ISN’T FOLDING ITS EARS TO BE CUTE. IT’S TRYING NOT TO KILL EVERYTHING WITHIN A 300 FOOT RADIUS.]

Oh my god

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cupthong:

when did i use that tag

Title: Shrek La Shrek
Played: 278373 times

ahegao-intensifies:

aondeug:

ben-bendraws:

smoxz:

starcre8tor:

Just. Listen.  [x]

i went into this expecting to not be disaponted and i was right.

HOLY HELL THAT WAS UNEXPECTEDLY GOOD

I refused to be amused. But the chorus broke me. God dammit.

i fucking hate the internet

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digitalasslamb:

ahrned:

Fuck you u digital ass lamb

ummm excuse me

credit